Cartman lord of hell
by grandwizardking69
Summary: Cartman comes up with plan to become rich, hi offers other people part of money in exchange of, he double crosses them pissing of Kyle, Kyle pushes him on the street and truck hits him, Kyle is devastated and Cartman ends up in hell Rated T for violence and language first few chapters are in time before Cartmans death
1. how it all begun

There i was looking in his eyes, l newer saw him that angry.

I'm gonna kill you fattass!

l saw pure rage, some people were trying to calm him, others were just... scared, but not me, l was just... thinking, and then...

 **FEW DAYS EARLIER:**

''hey guys'' l said

''good morning fattass'' Jew responed

''fuck you Jew l'm big boned'' he was just pissing me off sometimes

''well Eric have you found it?'' poor boy asked

''here it is Kinny l hope you remember the agreement''

''what are you two talking about'' Stan seemed interested

''well i found a perfect way to become rich, and Kinny seems willing to help, if you are interested I'll tell you guys more on the recess'' just as I planned

''well what is that what Cartman gave you Kenny?'' Jew aked

''well it's a bit of crack which happens to be mine'' I said

'' dude where did you even found this?!'' Kinny asked

''his mom is a crack whore, there is the answer'' Stan said and they laughed

''fuck you hippy if you want to know this one guy, friend of my mother...'' ''her client'' Kahl added while still laughing ''mainly, I didn't liked him, I found him, showed him my gun, and told him to give me some crack, and if he call I'll show his wife pictures of him with my mom, he said that he bough just few grams, I took it and here it is...''

 **IN SCHOOL:**

''hi Stan''winndy came

''hi ho whats up'' I said

''don't call her ho, Cartman!'' Stan seemed upset

''what you want fattass'' she said

''calm down winndy, for Christ sake, we are not so different, you and me, we are both success oriented, so from that reason I would offer you to help me with one plan, your hippy fag boyfriend already agreed''

''fuck you fattass'' he said

''so are you in?'' i asked

''I will think about it''

At the class i gave all boys in the class the notes to meet me at my house tomorrow

 **AFTER SCHOOL:**

''hey Kinny''

''what's up Eric'' he said

''I want to ask you something''

''sure, what'' he responded

''first we must be sure no one is watching..''

they went in to the forest

''you cannot die, right?''

''WHAT?!''

''You cannot die, don't lie to me Kinny!''

''i thought no one remembers...''

''well I do, and what I also remember is how one of your deaths costed me 1 000 000 dollars!''

''It's not my fault I died in ''Cartmanland'' you you bought unsafe park''

''well I want you to help me get back money''

''hey, I agreed to help, you don't have to repeat that all the time''

''well, do you remember my father kinny''

''your poor father, how could I forget, his son, YOUR halfbrother pissed you off and you grounded Jack and his wife in to chilli and made him eat that just to get him back'' kenny said with sad look ''Cartman, I supported you for a long time but I don't wanna take a place in some crazy psycho scheme''

''you don't have to worry Kinny'' I said ''you see, my dear ginger father, denver bronco had some money after his retirement, my halfbrother don't know about this, and after death of both of his parent there s no one alive who know this fact, all you have to do is die, find my father and ask him where the money is, understood''

''I think I can do that, and why did you say you need others'' kenny asked

''well you know it is a relatively huge amount of money but it's not even close to 10 000 000, I need all of you to help me rise it to this amount''

''so when will we start'' kenny asked

''well two of us can start in this very moment'' Cartman took out the knife and stubbed him in the chest, and then buried the body close to old tavern where his electronics was destroyed


	2. finding Cartman's dad

I woke up, and I was in hell, just as Cartman planned it was familiar place, after all most of times when I die I end up here...

''HEY ASSHOLE'' someone yelled ''what brought you here this time?'' it was Satan's evil son, ironically he was much more evil than his father, his father was relatively bad, but mostly fun loving dude, on the other hand Damien was weird shy guy, he would always creep the shit out of me, but he was 10 year old just like me, so we could get along for most of the time

''Cartman killed me'' I said

''again?'' he asked ''so how is that asshole?''

''Cartman, well he is ok I guess''

''why did he killed you this time''

''well firstly somehow he remembers me dying and...'' ''wow, mortals with that ability are pretty rare'' Damien said ''what there is more of them'' I asked ''well some things I'm not allowed to say, but yeah there are some people'' Damien responded

''so why are you here?'' Damien was impatiently asking

''well do you know about Jack Tennorman?''

''yeah I heard of him, isn't he father of that asshole?''

''yes, I need to find him, he had some money which Cartman wants''

''so he killed his own father, he grounded him in to chilli and now he wants to rob him, what a great son'' Damien said sarcastically

''well it's Cartman... just tell me where Jack is''

''hey you, come here!'' Damien yelled and 2 black demons came

''where's Pip'' take us to Pip

''why to Pip?'' I asked

Damien haven't responded

after few minutes we saw little blonde british dude

''cheerio Kenny, I do say, it's quite a nice surprise seeing you here'' Pip said

''this is hell'' I said confused

''well yes, but it's still nice to see you'' he responded

''so Pip do you know anything about some South Park citizens in here, more precisely Jack Tennorman'' Damien said

''surely I do, he is in second circle of hell'' he said

''DAMIEN'' loud noise has been heard

''well, that was my dad, now I must go'' Damien said

''Pip is there any chance for us to go there by ourselves''

''well we can try just but many people could attack as, even if we cannot technically die here we would just spawn at the hospital...''

''and me at home, why would they try to kill us''

''to rob us, sell or rape the bodies, etc''

after half hour of walk we saw nazi soldiers from ww2 chanting on german, I bet Cartman would love this, we tried to go around them but somehow they saw Pip and attacked us

''ERGEBEN''(surrender)

I thought we are dead, and then we saw Sadam

''are you one of those kids who stopped me from retaking the hell'' he said angrily

''uhm it was actually our nazi friend Cartman I said'' i said

soldiers looked at us and took us to some jail-camp like place after few hours we were visited by Hitler himself

''so you know this kid, Cartman'' he said on english, i was surprised

''yes, how do you know about him'' I asked

''let's just say we were watching him after he defeated Sadam, and he was really interesting when he tried to form new nazi regime ''

''so what do you want?'' I asked

''when you wake up you will find some things in your room, they will help Cartman to continue what I started''

''I'm sorry but I must refuse your offer''

''well you know kenny, there is a way to hold you in this place for a long long time, actually it even happened once, and this time it will take even longer, and also I know you were trying to find Jack, and I could easy get you there''

Pip just looked at me, I din't know what to do, I had to agree so

''well it seems i have to agree so, I'll do it''

soldiers let us pass and after an hour we saw him, Jack

* * *

 **EARTH, CARTMAN'S BASEMENT**

Craig, Tweek, Stan, Kyle, Wenndy, Clyde, Jimmy butters and Token were there

''so Cartman what was the great plan you had'' craig asked

''well at this moment Kinny is trying to find location of my father's money, then he will tell us and we will find it and with that money make casino''

''so why do you need us'' Token asked

''Token I'm glad you asked, your family s black, rich and they must know some gangsters who will protect our casino...''

''I'm out'' Token calmly said and leaved the basement

''so how will you accomplice this'' Jew asked

''well Tweek and Craig are gay, they will help with decore and they could sing, their song ''put it down'' was good, kyle is a Jew, so he will be good for book keeping Wenndy could help me running the casino, Jimmy will be comedian, and Stan could with Clyde help promote casino"

"So, you will use your death father's money" Stan said

"I' ooooo out'' Jimmy said and he leaved the basement

"Well this is fucked up" Kyle said

"Hey, l actually believe this scheme wil work, I'm with Cartman" Clyde said

"well if you promise this will work I'm in"

"So are we all in? " Cartman asked

"I'm in but if you try to backstab us you will regret it" wenndy said

After some time they all agreed

* * *

 **IN HELL**

"So, mr Tennorman how are you" I asked

"I'm good, thanks for asking, but who are you"

"I'm your sons friend"

"Scotts? "

"Actually the other ones" Jack's face fas fully in fear now

"I never met my other son in person, but I heard the stories, and is he really the reason why I am this way"

"Death? " I asked

"Yes"

"Well it is true, but I must say he is really sorry, he didn't knew... "

"Well that don't mean anything to me now does it"

"Well the reason why I am here is, I have to ask you something"

"What"

"Cartman was talking about some money which you have, where is it? "

"Why do you wanna know you are death, and there is no chance I would tell you"

"Well let's say I's some kind of Immortal and if you don't say me anything, Cartman will be pissed of, and we know what that means"

"Ok ok, it is in near the stark's pond in the old house under the flour"

I'm glad you are reasonable man

I wake up, and went to Cartman, people from Class were there, I told him where the money is, when others went, I told him about experience with Hitler and about gift...


	3. Starting casino

author's note, l run out of ideas for a while and there wasn't many people interested, so i stopped updating for a while, but i decided to continue

 **AT STARK'S POND:**

''we've found it'' Craig said

''wow Cartman wasn't lying when he said there's gonna be a lot of money'' Clyde said

''there is at least couple of thousands, how are we gonna take it all to his house'' Kyle said

''guys are you sure about this, it seems to be a bit to evil, we are robbing death guy and his kid who is now orphan'' Stan said with a bit of remorse in his eyes

''Stan shut up we'll take our part and if you really care about that kid Tennorman give him your part'' Craig said

''l'm also keeping my part, l already promised Bebe a fancy dinner'' Clyde said

''someone's getting laid tonight'' Tweek said

''l hope so'' Clyde responded

''you guys are assholes'' Wendy said ''how can you be so immature and also, is Stan really the only one thinking about Scott'' she continued

''Cartman has equal right to take the money as Scott'' Clyde said

''so how are you gonna tell Bebe where did you get the money'' she said with evil smile

''the same way you will'' he said while looking at her

''guys guys, we have to go, now'' Stan said, they picked up the money and saw drunk pc guys walking

 **AT CARTMAN'S BASEMENT:**

''and how was in hell'' Cartman said curiously

''well it was fine like any other time, except when Nazis caught us'' Kenny responded

''what?!''

''yeah, also Hitler and Pip send hies''

''OMG OMG how was it''

''well Hitler had send you some presents''

''SWEET''

''we should go to my place to get them''

''Kinny if you are gonna do something to me...''

''wtf dude, do you wanna take it or no''

''Kinny wait, l want to ask you something more''

''what?''

''well, my father and stuff''

''oh, l'm sorry dude you must take the situation really hard''

''shut up poor boy it's not what l wanted to talk about''

''but you...''

they went to Kenny's house and also saw Kyle, Stan, Craig, Tweek and Clyde

''Cartman it's ok if you feel bad about what you did to your father''

''Cartman feels bad?'' Kyle said surprised

''shut up'' Cartman responded

''dude it's ok'' Stan said ''you lived your whole life without a father we can't even imagine how does it affected you''

''yeah, you all remember how it was for me when my mom died'' Clyde said

''shut up, like you guys care, and by telling me that l should is making me feel weird''

''Cartman l just want to tell you that...'' Kyle was talking ''Jew l'm gonna kick you in the nuts''

they came in the house and went to Kenny's room

''here Cartman here it is'' Kenny said

''why are we even here'' Craig said

''Sweet'' Cartman said while holding signed copy of mein kampf, then he took some other hand made books, maps and medallions

''oh no, no no no'' Kyle said ''I'm out of here'' he leaved house

''so Kenny where did you found all these Nazi books'' Tweek said

''I met some guy who wanted to give them to Cartman, he said they were business partners'' Kenny couldn't let other people know for his curse it would end badly

''so when will we start with OUR business'' Craig said

''come to my basement at 10 pm'' Cartman said

''I can't, I have date with Bebe'' Clyde said

''Dude you know I liked her for a long time'' Kenny said angrily

''there's no girl you didn't like'' Tweek said

''fair enough''

 **10 PM CARTMAN'S HOUSE**

''ok fatass we're here'' Kyle said

''just in time'' cartman responded with a smile police sirens could be heard from a mile away they came in the house

''Ms. Liane Cartman you are under arrest for drug usage and distribution, anything you say can be used against you'' policeman said

''you served me well mother but now l need more space for my plan'' he said

''dude, no way'' Stan said

''you are monster'' Kyle joined

''are you in or out'' Cartman said

''I don't even know anymore '' Stan said

'' shut up and listen we have to make this house look like a casino as soon as possible Wendy will look after you guys doing it while l'm finding people for casino''

''sounds good'' Wendy said

after whole night house started to look as casino, Cartman ordered tables and machines on amazon and job was practically done

''ok guys this costed us a lot from our budget so we don't have much money to start with, but l have a plan'' Cartman started

''so what are you saying'' Wendy responded

''we are gonna make up fake story in which Stan and Kenny are pissed of at each other,then they will fight in front of school, also other try your best to find as much people to see it as you can, then l said that l bet on Kenny for 100 bucks and we let Stan punch him after some people bet we will make kenny win''

''are you sure it's gonna work'' she said

''I'm not finished yet, then Kenny will want some of my money which l wan't give him, then you Wendy will say how I owe you some money, then l will say how I'm working on it then l will ask people who wanna bet with me that Craig wins cuz Kenny is tired, then you will say you bet on Kenny, he wins the fight and then you and him take me away to 'beat me' and there it is''

''so first fight is just to gather crowd'' she said

''yes''

''good idea''

 **NEXT DAY**

''wow we are rich'' Kyle said

''thx to token the black asshole who spend over 500 bucks'' Cartman said

''guys sorry that I have to break to party but we have job to do'' Wendy said

''we are on it'' Cartman said


End file.
